![]() But the ensuing consequences will leave you and everyone involved in a much bigger mess. During a heated moment, you might really want to punch someone out. While we experience and process our feelings, we must control our outward behavior. I am threatened.’” I fully believe that listening and speaking with the heart is a gift, and I believe each one of us can develop this wonderful ability. Instead, try hearing the unspoken, ‘I am scared. He said, “Usually, when someone is angry, all we hear are their angry words. What happens when you see an outburst of anger from someone else? I love this quote from Charles F. Stock image | Photo by fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus, St. If this is the case, then the anger will propel you to take action – appropriate, assertive action. What was the first incident that made me feel this way? Who or what told me I was helpless? Is it true? What could I have done or what can I do differently? What will empower me? Who can I call on to help me? Can this situation help me grow? At this point, it is really helpful to journal these questions and answers or call on a trusted friend or mentor to be a sounding board as you talk it through.Īnd what if the emotion actually is anger? Great! What did it teach you? It might have taught you that you are intensely passionate about certain things in your life or that you are provoked when an injustice has occurred that needs to be made right. This is the key!Īs you identify the actual emotion, you can now ask more questions. That’s great, as you’ve now identified the actual feeling that is surfacing. Let it teach you! You might find, for example, that a feeling of helplessness is what comes over you. ![]() Be a good student by allowing the impression, thought, image or feeling to play out. Don’t judge these as they come up just observe. Instead, just breathe, listen and wait.Īfter a few moments of stillness, you are very likely to receive an impression, a thought or maybe a memory. Give yourself a space of quiet time – maybe 15 minutes.Here’s a really helpful way to guide yourself through a turbulent time of angry feelings: Remember that unresolved anger festers over time, creating illness in the body and mind. It is simply because you want to address what you feel so you can resolve it. You might wonder why it is so important to identify these more specific emotions. So instead of anger, a person might actually feel embarrassed, scared, grief-stricken, shamed, tricked, overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed, disgusted, distrustful, grumpy, stressed, attacked, rejected, helpless, guilty, trapped, nervous, anxious, triggered by trauma, annoyed, exhausted, disrespected, unsure, envious, disappointed, lonely, offended, uncomfortable, worried, insecure, regretful or hurt. You feel the intensity of emotion or see the outburst of emotion from another person, but the contributing emotions remain hidden under the surface. What you can’t see is that most of the iceberg is hidden beneath the water.Īnger is like this. George NewsĪ visual that has really helped me personally and professionally in my work with clients is the “anger iceberg.” When you see an iceberg, it appears to be sitting on top of the water. The question for me is this: Am I willing to learn? Stock image | Photo by fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus, St. I have come to learn that anger is like any other emotion it is my teacher. I don’t know about you, but I have felt a lot of confusion around this negative emotion at various times in my life. FEATURE - You may have been taught that anger is bad – something to get rid of as quickly as possible or something to bury or control.
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